Terms & Conditions
It’s a contract I signed blind with a girl who is a walking mystery powered by sarcasm, shawarma… and maybe vodka.
Welcome to the Terms & Conditions.
Signatories
Him – Known name. Visible face. Emotional sponge. Probably confused.
Her – A voice with limbs. No name, no city, no filters, just vibes and deflections.
Effective From: The moment you said “Hi” and she replied “Only voice.”
IDENTITY? WHAT IDENTITY?
1.1 – She will not provide:
✅ Real name
✅ City, country, or timezone
✅ Education status
✅ Marital status
✅ Skin tone
✅ Hair color
✅ GPS trace
You will, however, provide:
✔️ Selfies
✔️ Real name
✔️ Detailed life updates
✔️ Possibly your blood type if she asks nicely
TRAVEL LOGIC = BLACKHOLE
She may:
✅ Go out with “friends”
✅ Travel to “a place”
✅ Eat at “that place with shawarma”
✅ Stay at “someone’s cousin’s aunt’s house”
But you will never know:
✔️ What place
✔️ Which city
✔️ Who paid
✔️ How she got there
✔️ Which city
✔️ Who paid
✔️ How she got there
✔️ Or if she even left at all
She travels like a rogue NPC.
QUESTIONS THAT SHALL NOT BE ASKED
Asking the following is punishable by:
-> Seen at 2:17 AM
-> Dry “Hmm.”
-> Disappearing for 3–5 business days
❌ “What’s your name?”
❌ “Where are you from?”
❌ “What are you studying?”
❌ “Are you married?”
❌ “What do you look like?”
❌ “Human, right?”
You may, however, answer her questions. All of them
COMMUNICATION GUIDELINES
She may:
✅ She may call without warning.
✅ She may vanish without goodbye.
✅You must remain available like a loyal golden retriever with good airtime.
✅ If she says, “Will call in 5,” please keep your phone charged for 72 hours.
LIFE STATUS – SCHRÖDINGER'S GIRL
She may be:
✅ Studying medicine or engineering may be both
✅ A bored teenager or a spoiled brat
✅ Running a Xerox shop or Food on Wheels; if so Don’t you dare to ask Honey for Extra chutney
✅ Married to a pet turtle or divorced from a rich guy
✅ Sleeping all day, partying all night
✅ All of the above. Or none.
She will not confirm. You will not know. That’s the charm.
COMMUNICATION RULES (AKA HER TERMS)
✅ She can call anytime. You must answer.
✅ You cannot call without warning. That’s “invasive.”
✅ She can vanish mid-chat. She’s “busy.”
✅ You must be available. No excuses.
✅ “Will call in 5” = time dilation.
✅ “Plz ra” = high priority, possibly drunk.
✅ “Bye babes” = normal. Or final. Who knows?
FOOD IS HER LOVE LANGUAGE
Examples:
✅ “Tinnava , Aem tinnav. Cook chesava order pettava ”
✅ “Apart from pulihora, what else do you like?”
✅ Translation: “I care about you, but I’m not going to say it out loud.”
She might ask:
✅ “What did you eat?”
✅ You’ll answer in detail.
✅ She’ll reply: “Lol.”
EMOTIONS UNDER WRAPS
✅ She might flirt.
✅ She might ghost.
✅ She might call you names.
✅ She will never say what she really feels.
✅ You’ll keep guessing. That’s the game.
ANGER? SHE’S AN ARTIST.
When she’s mad:
✅ You won’t know why.
✅ She won’t reply.
✅ You’ll send 4 texts and 1 emoji.
At some point she’ll text:
✅ “You should date my best friend. She’s heartbroken.”
✅ And you’ll wonder if you just got pimped to her best friend.
TERMINATION OF CONTRACT
She may exit this connection anytime, no warning, for reasons such as:
✅ She’s bored
✅ She got married
✅ She found a better voice than yours
✅ Or she just vanished — quietly, efficiently, like she was never here
You won’t get closure.
✅ No goodbye. No explanation. Just a timestamp and silence.
✅She may return with a casual call “ CHEPPU”
as if ghosting was just part of the plan.
✅ You don’t get to leave.
✅ You refresh the chat. You wait. You stay.
